A Visitor in the Troyer Home

Sammy ~ our friendly scout elf

I have to thank Angie, from Bring the Rain for this wonderful new guest we have in our home. Dawson is just elated to have Sammy, our Christmas elf, joining us this year. If you have never heard of the "Elf on the Shelf" you have to check this out, especially if you have young children.

Sammy showed up in our mailbox and Dawson hasn't been the same since! I honestly don't know who has been more excited about this, Dawson or myself. I could hardly wait to read the book to Dawson after getting our scout elf all nestled in his stocking. I read the "The Elf on the Shelf" book to Dawson and we talked about this new visitor that was in our home. Dawson's first task was to name his elf. Dawson is obsessed with the name Sammy, hence the name of our former dog and our scout elf. The book basically explains how Santa knows if you have been naughty or nice. He simply sends out scout elves to watch over children. The elves then report back to Santa at night when the kids are sleeping. In the morning, Sammy finds a new place to watch the kids from for that day. Dawson loves searching for Sammy in the morning and is quick to grab the book if he can't find him. It doesn't say that you have to do this, Dawson just believes that if he hears the story he will be able to locate him :) A few rules of Sammy's...he can't talk, per Santa's law and he can't be touched or he will lose his Christmas magic that allows him to fly back to the North Pole each night.

I'm telling you, it is just adorable to see Dawson with this elf. The first day, I was baking cookies in the kitchen and Dawson was talking to Sammy. I heard him say, "Sammy, make sure you tell Santa that I'm going to make him cookies tomorrow. And, Sammy, I'm going to be really, really good." So sweet! Now, of course Dawson never fails to tell Sammy each time Lane does something that would be disapproving in Santa's eyes. Oh, brothers...so funny.

So, I am just so happy to have found a new Christmas tradition! I just had to share it with you. One more to add to the list. The more you have the better, so we've started quite a few in our family. I love the traditions my family has had since I was a child. I think I may have been a freshman in college when I finally stopped making my name tags for Santa. Really, I know, it's sad. My mom used to give us cut-outs from paper bags that we had to write our names on. I can remember it like it was yesterday, she used those giant zigzag shears that were silver with black handles. You see, I get procrastination (is that a word) from my mom. Her tradition was to wait until the last minute to wrap Christmas gifts. When I say last minute, I mean Christmas Eve between the Smith Christmas ending at approximately 9:00 pm until we went to Christmas Eve Services at 11:00 pm. She really counted on my aunts to help get all the work done, cracks me up just thinking about how they must have been rushing to get things done. Funny, we never really questioned why we weren't allowed downstairs on Christmas Eve with all the "big people". So, while all the adults were downstairs wrapping gifts, all of the children were upstairs making our name tags for Santa. As the oldest, I always made sure that everyone was working to get them done. You know, surely the more name tags you had the more gifts you were going to get. Oh, the good 'ol days.

As much as I love all these traditions, it is most important to us that our children know the true meaning of Christmas: Jesus, the greatest gift of all. I struggle with teaching this to a four year old and would welcome any parental advice in this area. I feel like I'm always reminding him "why do we have Christmas? Whose birthday is it?" The great thing, he always knows the answer.

More to come in the next few days. There's so much happening at the Troyer Household during this busy time of year. I'll be sharing pictures of our trip to see "The Nutcracker" and ofcourse, I have some too-cute, kid quotes to share!

Hugs to each of you!

Jenn

For Audrey and Olivia

Just some photos to share from December 7, TTTS Awareness Day. We lit candles for Audrey at 5:10 and Olivia at 5:15. These candles are not just for my girls. They are for each set of twins that has to go through the trials of TTTS and for the mother that carries them. They are for the sisters and brothers that are often left in the care of others while their Mommy and Daddy are doing whats best for their twins. They are for every lady that I have meant through the TTTS website, you each have a special place in my heart.

The single candle lit is for Audrey, our recipient and survivor. How blessed we are to have her!

Our second candle lit was for Olivia, our donor and angel. I miss you everyday.

Audrey-my amazing, wonderful miracle from God.

Olivia-my daughter that I will always miss and wonder what life would've been like with you here. I know you are safe in His hands and one day I will hold you in mine.

Canon Rebel Raffle - "Rebel For A Cause"

It's not very often that I post twice a week, but I have to tell you about another great cause! Please don't miss the post after this one regarding International TTTS Awareness Month!

So, you gotta check this out! What a raffle...I'm talkin' huge, gotta give it a shot raffle! For all of you photography fans that love to catch your family in pictures...this ones for you! MckMama, mother of 4 little ones, started this raffle to raise money for 3 different charities: String of Pearls, No Hands but Ours, and the Elison Project. You can learn all about these organization through MckMama's Blog, My Charming Kids. All you have to do is buy a raffle ticket for $10 a piece, the more you buy, the more chances you have to win! Each one you purchase will enter you in the Rebel For a Cause Raffle to win a 12.2 megapixel Canon Rebel XSi with 2 lenses, a high speed memory card, camera carrying case, custom made camera strap, 16x20 canvas print of a photo of yours, AND a blog makeover (if you have one of course). Don't miss out on this great opportunity to win great prizes and even more importantly the opportunity to benefit 3 great organizations! Good Luck!

Close to my heart...

I often think about the ladies walking into the Cincinnatti Fetal Care Center, I'm sure there are at least 2 there today. I pray for these ladies on a regular basis, pray that God will be with them as they get through such a difficult journey. My heart breaks for these ladies, just as it breaks for the lives inside them. I know they will soon hear the fate of their identical twins. Is surgery a possibility? Will they survive? Will they get to bring one baby home? Is it already too late and nothing can be done?

The day we walked into CFCC was one of the most difficult days in my life. A day that I was full of hope, but honestly scared to death. It was the beginning of an extremely painful and heartbreaking journey. I look at Audrey laying on the floor beside me and my heart breaks. It breaks because I love her so much and it breaks because I wish so bad that we would've been one of the families that got to bring home two healthy babies...Audrey and Olivia.

If you're reading my blog you probably know the story of Audrey and Olivia . This Sunday, December 7, is World TTTS Awareness Day and December is International TTTS awareness month. I will be donating to the TTTS Foundation every year on dates that will always be close to my heart. Please, if you are considering making a donation this time of year think about donating to the TTTS Foundation. Your generosity will enable this organization to continue their mission to help families try to save their babies and bring comfort to those experiencing devastating losses, special needs, and NICU struggles. All babies deserve a chance.

I feel very fortunate to have received the care that I did, my doctors who new they couldn't help me sent me to someone they thought could. Not all medical professionals do this. The TTTS foundation is an organization that is making a difference in the medical profession. They are getting crucial information regarding TTTS to medical professionals all over the world.

The TTTS Foundation website has a message board that has been a blessing to me throughout our journey. I had the support of other mothers who had been there and who were in the same position as me when my girls were diagnosed with TTTS. The ladies I have met on this board are still a part of my life. I receive so much support on the Bereavement-Loss of Your Twin Message Board. It is specifically for parents who have experienced twin to twin transfusion syndrome resulting in the loss of one of their twins or triplets. This board was created to comfort and help parents who know the pulling and tugging of your sorrow and joy. It is hard to explain the feelings associated with this disease. Truly only those who have been through it and have had the same outcome can understand the pain and joy that comes with it.

I am so thankful for this organization and for Mary Slaman-Forsythe the Founder and President. Please take the time to click on the link at the top of my site and check out what this organization is doing to save babies and the dreams of their mothers.

Love,
Jenn

It's Perfect.

I got the call on Friday. Actually, I got the message on Friday night. It was already dark, of course. How did I miss the call? My phone never rang. Olivia's headstone is done and it's set. Oh, that sinking feeling. I could not wait to see it, yet I could. I miss her and it hurts. I thought this was supposed to get easier? You know, I think I'm learning to deal with the pain. I think that's all I can do. I look at Audrey and I see Olivia, I see her right there beside her. When I'm holding her, when she's laying on her blanket, when I'm changing a diaper, when I'm feeding her...I see Olivia. When she smiles I wonder if Olivia's smile would have looked like that. I belong to a club that I don't want to belong to, yet it wasn't my choice. I didn't sign-up for this. I want out, yet I can't leave the group.


The phone call with the news of Olivia's headstone was just the start to the night. I was on my way to get some Christmas shopping done, Kevin was keeping the kids so I could have some time. Time to do shopping wasn't really the reason. Life is busy at home and those car rides are my time. Time that I need to heal. Time that I need to understand what to do with all that has happened, there has to be more. I can't lose my little girl and say that's it, that's what happened, that's just how it's supposed to be. There's more...I just need to find it. God, show me. Tell me what I'm supposed to do with this, with this pain, this ache that is deep inside.

If you know me at all, you know that I am a bargain shopper and a coupon clipper. My first stop that night was K-Mart to pick up a prescription for Dawson. I don't usually get my prescriptions filled there, but I had a coupon for a $10.00 gift card if you got a prescription-I'm in. The prescription was for chewable tablets from the dentist, I didn't realize they were hard to come by. I talked to the pharmacist and showed her my coupon...wouldn't you know, they were out. Not only were they out and I didn't get my $10.00 gift card, she proceeded to tell me "I know we're out because we had forty left and a mother of twins came in and we had to split them 20 and 20." God...why? Why? Does this happen to anyone else? What pharmacist actually tells you who got the last amount of the prescription you needed filled?


Aching and dejected, I left Kmart for Kohls...yes, more coupons to be used. Wouldn't you know, I about got ran over by a mother, a double stroller, and identical twin boys. Why? I was warned about this. It was all over the TTTS message boards and the Twinstuff Bereavement site (I hate clicking on that link). The hyper-awareness of twins. It hurts and although I will never in my life need a reminder of Olivia, that is exactly what it does. It keeps her fresh, never fading from my thoughts. I guess instead of hurting, I should consider these incidents gifts.


You can guess where I was Saturday morning, kids in tow. Some day they will understand and we will share Olivia's story. Today was my day, it was rainy and cold...I don't think it could have been more appropriate. I think back to the day of her service. Still regretting that I didn't spend more time with her, there would never have been enough. I want to hold her, sing to her, feed her, see her eyes meet mine, and watch her smile just as much today as I wanted to then. It doesn't get easier.

I want to share a photo of Olivia's headstone...It's perfect.

Love,

Jenn

Happy Halloween!

Audrey's 1st Halloween!
When you're just 3 1/2 months old your first Halloween doesn't mean much. Audrey has spent the day doing what she usually does...eating and sleeping. Oh, and my new personal favorite...really focusing on me as I talk to her! I love how she looks up at me like she knows exactly what I'm saying to her and how much love is in my heart for her. Wouldn't it be great if we all focused on what someone is saying as much as newborns do? So, back to what I was saying...Your first Halloween doesn't mean much unless your mommy tries to dress you up as a...
cute little leopard

So, she didn't really like the outfit. It was just too cute and my mom and sister bought it for her. I would've felt bad not putting it on her for at least enough time to snap some pictures. So, I guess its a good thing that 3 1/2 month olds don't really remember their first Halloween.



Dawson & Lane-Pumpkin Cart
This is honestly the best picture I could get of my boys together. Lane wouldn't sit still and Dawson was still needing shade...you'll understand that in a minute. So much drama at our home! We had a fireman, a racecar driver, a cute little leopard and I'm sure an angel among them.




Fire Chief Dawson
Interesting background, right. You're probably wondering why Dawson is standing in front of our air conditioning unit instead of a cute Fall display. You know, the traditional pumpkins and cornstalks. Not today, Mr. Drama wouldn't have it. Have I ever told you how much Dawson acts like my sister? If I didn't give this child life, I would swear he belonged to Kendra. He's standing there because "the sun is too bright." But look, finally a smile! Oh, I love him, but that drama could go anyday. Dawson had a big day yesterday with his pre-school fall party and trick-or-treating with The Stanley Boys. He collected a ton of candy at both of these events, let's just say our dentist doesn't have to worry about job security. I have to admit, he's done really well savoring his candy. I think he's had about 3 pieces of his stash, it's his Daddy that can't seem to stay out of it :).

Future Racer!

I just love this picture of Lane. He reminds me of how serious my Dad and Lee look walking through the pits at the races...all business. Ok, well Lee's not always like that :) Lane is always moving and constantly into something. Not much luck of a still shot of him. He is at that fun age of exploration. He was so excited to go outside, he was a man on a mission. Forget taking his picture. He loves being outside...freedom to run and yell! I'm looking forward to next year when I can take this little guy trick-or-treating, I'm sure he felt like he got the raw end of the deal staying in with me and Audrey for the night.


Although everyone looks content (except leopard Audrey) in the pictures above we have all battled bad colds this week. Lane was the first to get it and we've all had a piece of it since then. He's been a tough little guy, as he has definitely had the worst of it. I have worried constantly about Audrey, she sleeps on my chest at night so she can breathe better. Her doctor keeps reassuring me that RSV season is not hear yet, she's just suffering through a cold. It's so different with a preemie, sometimes I feel like I've never been a mom before.

Hopefully this post finds you and your family happy and healthy! Have a great Halloween!

Love,
Jenn

Watch Us Grow!

Proud Big Brother

I have had sincere intentions to update our blog weekly. Who says stay-at-home moms don't work? This is a job. I love every minute of it! Yes, even those multiple minutes that turn into hours of no sleep. It's during these sleepless nights that I remember what gifts I have been given and how much I would love to have two babies wailing for their Mommy.

The title of this post "Watch Us Grow," is unveiling the new direction for our blog. In memory of Olivia Faith, our blog will become a family blog. I honestly don't want to see it end. My blog is a comfort zone for me; a place to share stories, photos, memories and dreams. I have really enjoyed being able to stay connected to family and friends throughout our pregnancy and the birth of our girls. So, I will continue to the best of my abilities :)

An update on our family:

Audrey

It's hard to believe Audrey has been home from the Aultman NICU for over a month already. Time sure does fly. At Audrey's last weekly weight check on Monday she weighed 9 lbs! Unreal. She looks like a newborn now and even has a double chin! Not to mention those cheeks! She is not really adjusted to a schedule yet, as a matter of fact, I think she did better in the NICU than she is for me as far as that goes. We have had a few good nights here and there. She wouldn't be my child if she was a good sleeper. Kevin and I have come to the conclusion that we don't create sleepers. In the middle of the night, when I'm exhausted and she continues to cry instead of going back to sleep...I can't help but think how I'd love for Olivia to be right beside her. I truly believe that Audrey is God's gift to us to remind us how precious life is. Oh, what a gift.

Lane

Oh my goodness, where should I start? This little guy keeps me hoppin'. Lane is now 17 months old and into everything. Everything, constantly. No kidding. For example, we have recently had to replace all the toothbrushes in our home. Why, you ask? Well, when I was feeding Audrey, Lane was quiet. Not a good sign. I even had visitors at the house. When my long-time friend, Jamie, found him, he was in our guest bathroom with Dawson's toothbrush in his mouth. I instantly thought, "yuck". I knew Dawson would flip if he saw Lane with his toothbrush. That's nothing, he then dips the toothbrush into the toilet and sticks it back in his mouth. Jamie kindly said "you may want to get rid of this." I like to tell myself he's at that age of exploration, when really we're entering the "Terrible 2's" quite early.

Dawson

My baby is growing up. Pre-school every Tuesday and Thursday has opened up an entirely new world for Dawson. He is learning so much and always has questions. Some examples:

• Dawson wanted to know if his school was for babies. Not knowing where he was going with this, I told him no, it's for big boys. Not missing a beat he replied, "yeah, well where are all the deskez (not a typo).
• He has learned new words like, puke. After school one day he asked if he could call Audrey's spit up "puke" instead. I'm constantly hearing "ewww, Mom she puked again." This is just the beginning of "new" words I'm sure he'll be learning at school.
• He has found his favorite mode of transportation. Just recently his class took a trip to Hershberger's Pumpkin Patch in Berlin. I thought he would be overjoyed about the hayride and pumpkin patch. Forget the pumpkins, all he wanted to do is ride the bus! I told the teacher how much he had looked forward to that, so they took pictures. I can't wait to get them! I'll have to post one, I'm sure he'll have a smile a mile wide!

Olivia

What I wouldn't do to have Olivia here, telling you how much she has grown right along with her sister. I know that Olivia is safe in God's arms and she will continue to grow in my heart. Some things in life just aren't meant to be easy. These heartaches change us, mold us, make us stronger, into the very person we are meant to be. One of the most difficult things I have ever done is deciding on Olivia's headstone. This is something I have been putting off and have just recently finished. It's just so final, you know, I felt like I was picking out her first outfit for school, her prom dress and her wedding dress all in one. I need it to be perfect. Perfect for her, for Audrey, for me and our family. It's all we can do.

As I close this post, I want to thank you for your continued support, concern and love. Your thoughts and prayers through our journey have meant so very much. I appreciate you letting our family into your lives and allowing us to share our story.

Love,

Jenn