Audrey's First Day

Baby Audrey's Footprints

Aunt Keka here again...

Baby Audrey has had an amazing first day of her life.

I was wrong in my first post about her birth. Audrey is not on oxygen. In fact, the little girl has mostly been breathing on her own the past 24 hours! Last night, before Jennifer went to bed, the nurses did put Audrey on a "CPAP" (continous positive airway pressure). The CPAP is not to help Audrey breathe, but to help expand her lungs as they weren't expanding enough on their own.

The nurses told Jenn and Kevin that if Audrey was doing ok throughout the night, they may be able to remove the CPAP on Sunday.

Again, the little fighter proved her strength.

By 8:30 on Sunday, the CPAP had already been removed, much earlier than the nurses expected.

When Jennifer got to Audrey's room, she found her little one sunbathing. Well, not really, but she was laying under a bili light, which helps heal babies who are slightly jaundiced, as Audrey is.

She also was given a little bit of oxygen today through a nasal cannula, but she is not dependent on it.

Little Audrey cries a lot, which breaks Jennifer's heart, but Kevin and the nurses remind her that crying wil help strengthen her lungs. While Jennifer wants to comfort her daughter, she cannot yet hold her, and does not touch her for fear of hindering her progress.

Today continued to be a big day for the Troyer family. Big brothers Dawson and Lane traveled to the hospital to visit their Mommy. While Lane spent most of his time eating (go figure) in the room with Aunt Tara and Uncle Lee, Dawson went with his Mommy and Daddy to meet his baby sister.

The sheer size of Audrey caught Dawson off guard. She was also crying which scared him a bit. He didn't stay long, but tells everyone he talks to about his "Mom's new baby". He also can say Audrey quite well, which makes everyone smile. Back in the room, he introduced himself to a nurse and explained that he "is 4. Baby Lane is 1. And baby Audrey doesn't have a number yet!" :)

Jenn wants everyone to know how much hair Audrey has! Jet black hair! And she says that she knows that a 2 lb. 14 oz. baby is going to be petite, but that Audrey has the most delicate features. A tiny nose and long skinny fingers. She is pure girl.

Jennifer also talks with so much pride about Kevin. Kevin has stepped up to the plate, playing single father to both Dawson and Lane at home. He drives back and forth to the hospital as much as possible, caring for his wife and his little girl. All of this while also attaining his masters online.

Jennifer can't wait to get home to give him a break and some time to do something fun. (Kevin better take advantage of that! I wouldn't push for the trip to Vegas though! ;)

The preemiest of preemie clothes couldn't begin to fit Audrey at this point. She is still so small. The doctors expect her to be in nicu for approximately eight more weeks, which means many, many, many trips to Aultman for Jennifer and Kevin. Jennifer expects to be released from the hospital tomorrow, when she and Kevin will begin planning for Olivia's services. She will be sure to post all information, plus her feelings for their little angel when she gets out of the hospital.

Audrey has become the focus of the entire family already. If love could heal all wounds, and by all accounts it does, this little girl will be out of the hospital as quickly as she was delivered. (Did I mention that Jenn was in hard labor for less than an hour?!) Audrey is the subject of every phone call, every text message and nearly every e-mail. Papa and Nina are rushing home now to see their first granddaughter!

Audrey will continue to grow both phsyically and spiritually and emotionally as the days continue. It will be an amazing and bittersweet day when we are able to celebrate her finally "getting a number"!

They're Here!

Quite unexpectedly...baby Audrey made her introduction to the world today, while Baby Olivia was able to spend a little time with her Mommy and Daddy.

Now that the news is out there...let me back up a bit.

On Tuesday evening, Jennifer began experiencing minor contractions. While diagnosed as Braxton Hicks, the contractions continued. As the night progressed, Jennifer and Kevin became very concerned when she also began bleeding.

Nina came to the house to watch Dawson and Lane while Jennifer and Kevin rushed to Aultman Hospital. Once there, Jennifer was given medication to both spur the development on baby Audrey's lungs and also slow Jennifer's contractions. Braxton Hicks they were not...she had dilated 3 centimeters. The bleeding was coming from little Olivia's placenta and was not a threat to Audrey at all.

Jennifer, however, was not allowed to leave the hospital until all bleeding had stopped. That, unfortunatley, never happened. She spent three long days in the hospital, but she never had the opportunity to be lonely. Aunt Tara and Uncle Lee visited often, as did Kevin, with Dawson and Lane who missed their Mommy very much. In fact, Dawson called her once to tell her that she needed to come home that day, not any later.

Nina and Papa visted too, as did Lindsey and Lola and Paige. On Wednesday evening, great-grandpa "Pop" Smith also visted with Lisa to make sure that Jennifer's spirits were up. Aunt Sandy and Uncle Gaylord also came to visit.

Back in Holmesville, Nina, the constant planner, pounced at the opportunity to do work. In one day, the Troyer's spare room was transferred to a nursery. All of baby Audrey's clothes were washed and prepared. Dawson couldn't understand any of this, however, because Aunt Keka (me) was supposed to come home and sleep in that bed next weekend. When Nina offered his bed for me, he quickly said "No. She's too big!!" So I guess I lost my place to sleep! :)

On Friday morning, the Jacobs and Smith families disappeared. As most of you know, when a big race comes happens, Holmesville becomes a ghost town. So, Jennifer said good-bye to Mom and Dad, the Haudenshilds, the Mays and the Hall's as they all departed for Eldora.

On Friday, Jennifer and I talked often. She was worried that the bleeding hadn't stopped. The doctors assured her that Audrey was fine. But she was also concerned in getting home to her little boys and giving Kevin some relief. She got updates from Eldora (Dad finished 10th) and spent the night watching television as Dawson and Lane went for a night out with Uncle Kim and Aunt Amber.

The next morning, while still asleep in Chicago, I woke up to my cell phone ringing. Jennifer, very calmly, explained to me that her contractions had returned. In fact, they had been going on since 5:45 am. She had been alone the whole time, but had called Kevin to come to the hospital. The phone call was almost humorous. It was like someone calling you to tell you you had an overdue library book. Very docile, calm and quiet.

Within two hours, the babies were here! Jennifer did have an epidural this time. (Both Dawson and Lane were born naturally.) Audrey was born first. And, amazingly, she let out a cry. Her lungs had, apparently, developed. Jennifer was able to hold her shortly before the nurses took her to the NIC Unit.

Baby Olivia was born next. The nurses wrapped her up and gave Jennifer and Kevin some time with their angel. Jennifer had been both afraid of and anticipating her arrival. Fearing sadness, but craving the need to comfort her little one that had died way too soon.

When she gained some of her strength, and I'm telling you...it was quick. She called me 30 minutes after labor and you would have thought she was laying by the pool. Very happy. Her spirits are up. And she was waiting on a wheelchair to take her to Audrey. The happiness in her voice was back...gone for too long from the heartbreak that this pregnancy has bestowed on her.

Baby Audrey is amazing. Quite appropriate since Audrey means "strength". At only 2 lbs. 14 oz., and 13 inches long, she has only needed nasal oxygen. We have received several pictures of this little beauty. I wish I could post them on here, but they are all on my cell phone. There is one of her gripping Jenn's finger, and I'm telling you her whole hand is the size of Jenn's fingernail. Aunt Tara and Aunt Lisa report that she has long, skinny legs and Jennifer's little ski-slope nose. :) She is responding to sound and light well. The doctors have nothing but positive comments on her health. She truly is a fighter.

Baby Olivia, meaning "peace" gave great peace to her mother and father today. I don't want to say too much, because the details are up to Jennifer and Kevin to share. But, I believe the opportunity to meet their baby, comfort her and say good-bye was good for them.

This day has brought them both sorrow and joy, but both Mommy and Daddy are doing well. They wanted you all to know how grateful they are for your concern and prayers throughout this tough, seemingly long, but actually very short pregnancy.

Pictures will be posted soon. Please continue to keep Audrey in your prayers as she is so tiny in this big world.

--Aunt Keka (I love my boys...but YAY!!! I finally have a niece!)

Not a Day Goes By

It's hard for me to believe that it's been 8 weeks since we've lost one of our little girls. This experience has changed the person I once was. It's almost like the person I used to be is a mystery. I apologize if I see you and don't seem like myself. I'm stuck between the person I used to be and who I am now with a heart that feels irrepairable. My life will never be the same and although I am thankful to have two beautiful boys and a surviving twin girl on the way, I have lost a child. Some people may not view it that way, but she was so very real and so alive. I carried her for 5 months and saw her so many times on ultrasounds. She may not have had much room to move around, but she was moving every time we saw her. She had a strong heartbeat, just as strong as her sisters everytime. I saw her already starting fights with her sister as she received jabs and kicks, she tried hard to defend herself, yet she was quite smaller than her sister. It may sound strange, but I feel so fortunate to still be carrying her. She is still a part of me for a little while.

She was a part of my life from the day I found out we were having twins. You know, I'd give anything to go back to that day. Some may think I'm crazy, but when Dr. Vaccariello left the room the day I found out we were having twins I looked up and thanked God for such a gift. I didn't say "God, I can't do this" I said "thank you". I didn't know the ride I would endure from that point, and although at times I think it would have been easier to have just not been expecting twins, I wouldn't change it even if I could. I would've missed the dance, so to speak.


I was given the opportunity to prepare for two babies. I sat in the nursery and imagined where I would place two cribs. I imagined how Kevin and I would handle feedings. I imagined being in debt to cover a new mini-van, diapers, and formula. At the time we didn't know they were girls and I thought how cool it would be to have 4 Troyer boys on a basketball court at the same time. Imagine that! I thought about them being as close as two siblings could get. Once I knew they were girls I couldn't believe it, I really thought that Troyers didn't produce girls and here we were getting two for the price of one. The love that consumed my heart can't be described.


I'm currently reading Safe in the Arms of God by John MacArthur. He assures his readers that every baby, whether unborn, stillborn, or youngsters receive "instant heaven." Although this is what I believe, it is so comforting to read scriptures that support my baby girl being in heaven. I often think about loved ones that I've lost holding her, I'm sure they're making a big fuss over my little girl right now. I know that she is a life-long guardian angel of her sister. I also know two little baby boys that are probably really good friends with her already.


It's amazing to me when I think back about my life, especially my life married to Kevin. I think about all the good times, like vacations in the mountains or on the beach. I also think about the good times that were just simple: movies at home on the couch, grilling out, making our first home our own, the weeks that we would get on card kicks and play Rummy everynight.


But I also think of the times that seemed so difficult. Then it occurs to me, the entire time we were living our life together, God knew that we would go through this . He prepared us with all the good times we shared together that helped our love to grow and he was there for the challenges that made us stronger. He knew that we would go through the loss of a little girl we were so excited to receive and he also knew that we would make it through this time. There is something bigger to this life-altering event that I haven't figured out. I pray that God will show me where to go from here.

28 weeks

We have reached another milestone in this pregnancy--28 weeks!! This is a crucial time in pregnancy as 28 weeks marks brain development. I feel so fortunate to have made it this far and hope to keep our baby girl growing with my assistance for at least another six weeks.

At our appointment on June 24 she weighed in at 2 lbs. 5 oz. One might think you would be likely to gain a lot of weight on bedrest, turns out you gain more when you leave your bed and go to Hilton Head for a week. Must be all that She Crab Soup! What I wouldn't give for a bowl of that right now.


Our ultrasounds are showing some discrepancies in our due date. We have been told for awhile that it's September 15, yet the ultrasound at this appointment showed our due date at October 3. Dr. McDaniel explained that with TTTS and twins it's hard for an ultrasound to actually pick up exactly what week the baby is at. He is not concerned, however, especially since we saw good growth in all her measurements from our last ultrasound to this one.


I'll go back to Aultman on July 8 for my 30 week appointment. After that I will start going two times a week from 32 weeks on. I was shocked to hear how often we would be making the trip to Canton, between now and my due date of September 15 I have 25 appointments scheduled! At these visits they will constantly be running tests to make sure our little girl is staying strong. It seems that there will be a series of tests during each appointment. I'm very happy to hear our doctors are being proactive. I can't say enough about the MFM's at Aultman.

A much needed vacation

It's about time I get on here to update my blog...so much to fill you all in on. Let me first say that our survivor, Baby B is doing wonderful. At our June 4 appointment she weighed in at 1 lb. 13 oz. She is gaining weight and growing stronger each day. I asked the doctor about bedrest and he felt that my pregnancy has been going much better, and sadly enough stated that we would treat it as a singleton pregnancy. Hard words to hear.

Since our baby girl is doing well and her guardian angel sister is cooperating the doctor felt that he could take me off bedrest. It just so happened that our family was leaving for Hilton Head in 2 days, June 6. I explained to Dr. Gill that our family really wanted us to go along on vacation, but I wasn't sure I wanted to go. I was leaving it up to him. The last thing I wanted to do was to cause any further problems with this pregnancy. He read right through my explanation and told me that he thought a vacation would be just what we needed. Dr. Gill is one of those people that just always knows what to say and the manner to say it in. He told us that we have had such a difficult time with this pregnancy, that he knows how sad I've been. He thought that maybe a vacation would provide a fresh start, where I could come back with a cleared head and realize that I still have a baby to be strong for. Dr. Gill asked that I stop taking the Procardia and return to Aultman the following day to do another full evaluation. If everything looked good, bedrest would be a thing of the past and Hilton Head Island was a go.

Needless to say, I went home and started packing. Our appointment the next day went well. I didn't show any signs of contractions and our little girl checked out great. I was told to drink plenty of water, stop driving often for breaks and enjoy myself. We had the rest of the night to pack for our departure the next day.

Our vacation was just as Dr. Gill prescribed. It allowed me to escape my room, my home and my otherwise house arrest for a week. It was refreshing. We drove to Charlotte and stayed at Kendra's.

Dawson absolutely loves going to Aunt Keka's. For one thing he's spoiled rotten while he is there and the other reason is for the fountains at Burkdale Village that kids run though. It was so nice to spend time with my sister--there's not a relationship stronger than that of sisters.

We left for Hilton Head the next day. Our first trip to the beach wasn't too promising as Lane cried for an hour. He didn't like the sand or the water! By the next day he loved them both, so much so that he even enjoyed tasting the sand on a regular basis. My how different we are with our second child!

Dawson had an absolute blast no matter where we went. He loves The Salty Dog and looks forward to Cappy the Clown painting a picture on his arm (most kids get their face painted, Dawson is a bit of a perfectionist and wouldn't dare let that paint get on his face). This year we were at The Salty Dog on his birthday. Cappy the Clown painted a dinosaur and fireworks on his arm as Dawson requested, then she had all the kids sing "Happy Birthday" to him and gave him a gift of a red clown nose. He felt very special and quite embarrassed.

I really enjoyed the break away from home. The beach was absolutely beautiful, there's just something about looking out into that mass of water. You realize how small you are and how great God is.

Finally Good News...

I have to start off with a big Happy Birthday, Lane!!! I can't believe my baby is one today! My, how fast a year can go by! He has been so much fun. He gave me the greatest birthday gift--he took his first step! That's a milestone I'll never forget.


We finally got some good news about this pregnancy on Wednesday at my MFM appointment. Dr. Gill, who is just about the most compassionate doctor you could meet, said that all looks great with Baby B. He explained that the first 2 weeks after surgery were the most critical and if a blood transfusion would've taken place when Baby A passed that it would have shown up in Baby B's brain by now.


He went through everything that they look for to make sure that the transfusion did not happen and our little girl checked out just fine. She has a heart rate of 156 and weighs 15 oz. Dr. Gill said that we could stand to hear some good news and said they aren't going to do another ultrasound until 28 weeks (I'm currently 23 weeks). I'll continue to see my MFM every 2-3 weeks. This makes me a little nervous, yet at the same time ultrasounds are not nearly as exciting for me as they used to be. I used to look forward to seeing two heartbeats and they still evaluate Baby A which makes it very difficult to watch. Not to mention, I feel like I always have to ask the ultrasound tech before they even start if they know that we lost one of our babies.


So, with Baby B doing so well it's really hard to continue laying around the house. Dawson and I have been having "Sorry" tournaments on a daily basis, so that has been a highlight. I would love to be able to pick Lane up when he's crying and plant some flowers. It's amazing the things you take for granted.


I'm hoping at my next appointment on June 4 we can discuss this bed rest thing. My understanding is that since I had surgery I'm at risk for pre-term labor and therefore bed rest will probably continue. I have been taking procardia, a heart medication, every six hours to relax my uterus. Don't ask me how that works, sounds kind of crazy to me. However, it must be working because I haven't had any contractions that I know of.


It's getting kind of old calling our girls Baby A and Baby B, so we're going to have to name them soon. At least I can say she/her now! I was always afraid that I was going to slip. We have some names that we really like, but have not made a final decision yet. We'll make sure to post our names when we come to an agreement. So, we're open to suggestions.


Thank you again to everyone for you support, prayers, and kind words. We have been so overwhelmed by everyones generosity and feel so fortunate to be surrounded by such caring friends and family. I can't even begin to tell you what this means to me. Lots of hugs to all of you!

"At one glance I love you with a thousand hearts."

top of twins heads-13 weeks

"at one glance I love you with a thousand hearts."

It breaks my heart to have to write this on our blog. Our surgery did not turn out as well as expected. Baby A died sometime during the night after the surgery. The doctors were concerned due to the placental share, as Baby A only had a 20% share. However, they said this baby was up against so much more than just a placental insufficiency. Baby A had way too little fluid, over a 45% weight difference, heart distress, and a curved spine. The surgical staff does not believe that Baby A would've survived much longer even if we didn't do the surgery and at best would've survived only a few minutes after birth.

I guess as hard as it is to hear that we have lost one of our twins, I should be so thankful that little Baby B is still with us and actually doing really, really well. I pray that Baby B stays strong. The doctors feel that if we would not have gone through with the surgery we would've lost both babies or Baby B would have suffered neurological problems. This is still somewhat of a concern, albeit small, because there is a slight chance that they were connected deep in the placenta and doctors would have no way of seeing or knowing that. I'll be closely monitored for the next four weeks to make sure their are no changes in the dopplers of Baby B's brain.

It's just so hard to know that you did the right thing when the outcome is not pleasant. I would've done anything to save both of my babies. I can't help but think, what if... I know the future will hold many moments of joy and sorrow. Right now I'm anxious to meet our new little girl, yet I know that delivery will be an exceptionally difficult day and we're not really sure how to handle that quite yet.

It's just that as a mom, and I'm sure all moms know, I loved both of these babies as soon as I found out I was pregnant with them. There are hopes and dreams long before you meet your baby for the first time. I already saw two of everything...two babies to shower with kisses, two babies to hold, two babies crawling around, two cribs, identical outfits,... I know that I can look at my little girl and know what her sister would've looked like and I'm sure the future will hold many days where I still see two. It's so hard when I felt so special to be blessed with twins...no one ever expects it to turn out this way. I had never even heard of TTTS before I was diagnosed. It's just such a horrible, horrible disease.

I can't thank you enough for all your support, caring words and prayers. I know that it wasn't for lack of prayer and love that one of our babies didn't survive. I'm sure the days ahead will hold hope, sorrow, joy and pain. If my boys didn't keep me entertained right now, I'm not sure how I would make it through the day. I look at both of them and smile. They are beautiful and healthy-for that I'm so thankful.

I plan on continuing our blog, it is actually a form of therapy and with continued bedrest until delivery this blog really helps. I will keep you updated as much as I can concerning the rest of our pregnancy.